Confessions

I woke up this morning rather discouraged. I have been trying desperately to shake off this feeling of inadequacy and doubt and it has done nothing to go away but linger and linger and linger. It keeps me up at night, it is constantly on my mind all day, and today I found the solution.

I have two wonderful and amazing children. They have the brightest smiles in the world and they are the strongest littlest humans imaginable. The little things they accomplish shock and amaze me daily. They are terrors. They are boys. Somehow that all makes it that much worse.
Boys are dirty. They are gross and they don't care.

I have found myself sometimes marveling at my own ability to keep calm when I find my oldest playing in the toilet with his own poo. We calmly "wipe the booty" wash hands and move on with our day as if this is a normal human thing to do. I clean up vomit without a single gag or vomiting and gently rub my sons head as he cries because his "tummy no feel ok." I have been peed on while changing diapers and I have managed to laugh because it has landed in my mouth (double gross people). I have found food in the strangest places and I have willingly shared a plate of food with my 3 year old since he was able to eat table food. I juggle two kids out in public daily and smile so sweetly when people exclaim "that I have my hands full" (uh duh) but don't offer me any assistance when juggling a stroller and a screaming one year old and groceries. I try hard to forgive my husband for not giving me a free day without kids even though he promised and apologizing to people because I have to bring my kids with me everywhere because people are too afraid to watch my youngest because of his condition. I smile at a pediatrician who tells me that we need to feed our youngest more because we are basically starving him and that he needs to gain weight and eat more formula and no more baby food because we are doing the wrong thing. Heck I managed to pack up and unpack a whole house by myself while watching two kids!!! I am amazing......but why don't I feel like it?

This year my husband was eligible for an all expense paid trip to the Cayman Islands through his job. He will have to attend two one hour conferences but the rest of the time he is able to party it up. We were hoping that Ollie would be on a bottle weeks ago so we could get my passport and I could go with him. Sadly little man wouldn't take the bottle soon enough to I gave up my spot and told my husband to take his friend instead. It wasn't so hard at first but the more my husband has been talking about the trip more I became jealous of him. He is able to have a spa day and sit by the beach and eat whatever he wants to and wake up late.....Why don't I get a vacation??

Then that feeling of guilt sinks in, My husband works hard and provides for my family and myself every day. He deserves this special treat. He should have fun and enjoy himself. I love my kids, I want to be around them. I love to make them laugh and learn new things with them. I love my husband and he has worked so hard to get us everything we need and why not enjoy this luxury?

After struggling with all these feelings I finally spent some time locked in my bathroom in tears. I had only one person to look to for help and that was my Heavenly Father. I plead with Him to take these feelings away and help me to understand why I must go through these struggles. Why do I have to feel so alone? Why do I have to be angry at my husband for not looking and seeing that I need help? What more is needed of me? When will this feeling go away?

 A memory popped in my head from the time we went to the temple I had a feeling similar to this. It was our first time going through and we were being sealed and I was pregnant with my oldest. I was worried that I wouldn't be a good enough mommy. We were sitting in the celestial room and I heard a loud whisper in my ear "you are doing the right thing, I love you" it was not my husband or a stranger. Again while kneeling on the bathroom floor that smelled a lot like "boy" I was reminded again that I am doing the right thing and that He loves me.
It's a lonely struggle and even my husband doesn't understand the work it takes to get the kids bathed and ready for bed at night. Or how nap time is a cherished time and it is not to be taken away from me. We all have a moments where we feel inadequate but I can tell you that you are doing the best you can and it shows every day. The house may be dirty, the kids may be gross and covered in mud, but they have a smile on their face and YOU put it there. Dinner my be cooked out of a box or from Pizza Hut but you remembered to put it on the table non the less. The little things count. Clean sheets on the bed are a blessing. A swept floor or perhaps just a wiped down counter is huge. It takes so much to find the energy to do that but YOU DID IT!!!

Do I wish for a vacation?? Every day!! Do I wish I could go to the spa? Absolutely!! Can I just forget the kids and go?? Nope, Never gonna happen. I'm a mommy! Every day has been a struggle and it doesn't seem to get easier as my kids get older. I constantly feel like a "bad mommy" as I see specialists with my kid. I am constantly told by strangers on how I can do better. Today I stand up and say I am doing the best I can do. I don't get days or nights off and I manage to keep these kids alive. I am an amazing mom and I don't know a better way of doing it.

We are all wonderful, exhausted, beautiful mommies (or daddies) and I see that in all of us. Remember that no one can do what you do. I know we all have struggles that are swallowed down deep but know that I feel it too. We're amazing and that's what we do and we couldn't do it any better because we don't know how to do it any other way.

Kennen Gregory

Kennen is our impatient child. He gets it into his head that he wants something and he has to have it NOW. He will do anything he can to get it. He could roll both ways from about a week old, he started trying to pull himself along on his belly at less than 3 weeks old, he could sit up at around 3 months, crawled at 4 1/2 months and walked at 9 months. He is one determined little guy and he has been that way right from the start and this is evident even in his birth story:

Many of you know that he was a rainbow baby. I suffered a miscarriage at the beginning of June 2013 and over four weeks later, my cycle hadn't returned, so I took a pregnancy test: NEGATIVE.
About a week and a half later, we were preparing to move house and I had this nagging feeling that I should take another test, just to be sure. I didn't want to be lifting heavy things if there was a chance I could be pregnant again. This time there were two lines on that wonderful pee covered stick of joy!
Of course this brought with it a huge rush of emotion. It wasn't just the joy that it should have been, but also sadness for the baby we had just lost and fear, a whole dang lot of fear.

Thankfully, apart from the morning sickness, a few small (and terrifying) incidences of spotting and slightly high blood pressure, baby boy and I were both healthy and feeling good by the end of my pregnancy!

We decided to try for a different type of birth with this baby and chose a wonderful midwife and a birth centre, rather than a regular hospital birth.

To deliver at the birth centre, you have to be between 37 and 41 weeks pregnant so I was nervous by around 36 weeks, when the baby was sitting super low, putting a lot of pressure on my cervix and one of the midwives said that she estimated it would be "about a week, maybe two" before I delivered. Of course, this freaked me out a little, especially because I So desperately wanted Mum to be there for the birth and she wasn't due to arrive until March 5th, 12 days before my due date.

37 weeks came and went and I was thankfully still pregnant and praying that baby would hold on until after his Nanna got here from Australia.

I had been having a lot of braxton hicks contractions with this pregnancy from about 35 weeks, which was something I didn't really experience with Lachlan, but by about March 1st, they had stopped.

Then on March 3rd, I was chatting on the phone to my friend, Amber, when Lachlan climbed up on me and fell asleep. It was only about 7pm which was super early for him, his bedtime isn't until 9:30, so I let him lay on me for a little while, then put him in bed and kept chatting to Amber. at about 8pm I realised that I was still having "cramps", which had started right when Lachie fell asleep on me. I casually said to Amber "um so I've been having contractions for the past hour..." 

She told me I was crazy and to call my midwife etc. so we got off the phone, and I called the labour line. The contractions were super mild, and inconsistent, so much so that I couldn't tell when they started and ended, but the midwives had been telling me at my appointments to call and give a heads up if I noticed anything different. My midwife, Jennie ended up texting me and saying to drink some chamomile tea and take a warm bath then try to get some sleep in case this was it.

Ant was at school, so I called him and got him to pick up some chamomile tea on the way home and just relaxed in the bath until he got here. By this time the contractions/cramps had stopped and had been gone for a while, but I was tired, so I relaxed for a bit and went to bed. Literally the minute I got into bed, I was hit with a strong contraction. I figured I would time it on my phone and the next hit 7 minutes later, then another 6 minutes after that. Okay so maybe this was it, but 6-7 minutes apart meant it would probably be a while. oh wait, the next one decided to come two minutes after that, then another one two minutes after that one. And these weren't just mild contractions, I'm talking the kind of contractions that made my whole body tense up and made me curl into a ball.

I called Jennie back and she said that because the real contractions had only just started, to try and get some sleep and call her back if I felt like I needed to go in. Then she suggested that I call my mother in law, Karen, and tell her to make her way over, seeing as she was almost two hours away and we needed her to watch Lachie for us.

So I called her, thankfully she was still awake, then she called my friend Stephanie, who had kindly offered to be my doula, and they got on the road.

Poor Anthony had been up for about 30 hours at this point, because of his busy work and school schedule, so I told him to try to take a nap before we had to go in. 

By this time, Lachlan had woken up and was full of energy, and as I scrambled to get the rest of my labour bag together between contractions, he followed me around the apartment, pulling everything out of the bag and laughing at me and copying every time a contraction hit and I squatted to try and handle the pain.

By about 1:45am, Karen and Stephanie had called me what felt like about a thousand times and because my contractions were so close together, they were starting to freak out a little, and said that they would just meet us at the birth centre, rather than coming to our apartment, so I called Jennie and said that it was time to head in and went to wake Anthony. He had been asleep less than an hour and thought I was crazy for going in so early, but got his stuff together anyway.

As I was getting ready to leave, I decided to go to the bathroom and pee and I ended up throwing up all over the bathroom and myself. I knew this usually meant that a woman was in transition, but seeing as it hadn't even been 2 1/2 hours, I figured there was no way I could be that far along. Then I remembered an article I had read about something called the "purple line" which was apparently an alternate, much less invasive way of checking how far dilated a woman was during labour. I went back into the bathroom and checked in the mirror, and sure enough there was a purple line and it was pretty long! 

So after changing into clean pjs and cleaning up myself and the bathroom, we were out the door. let me tell you, a 28 minute drive is NO fun when you are having intense contractions every 2 minutes!

we finally arrived at the birth centre at 2:29 and Jennie was waiting outside for us, with Karen and Stephanie.

Karen had brought some labour snacks and offered me some yogurt, which I promptly turned down, there was no way I could think about food by this stage! Jennie gave me a look like she knew I would be pretty far progressed, so she checked me and I was 7cm dilated! 

She filled the birthing pool, because I was hoping for a water birth, and I got in. Let me tell you, labouring in the water was absolute bliss! I wouldn't say it took away the pain of the contractions, but it definitely eased the back pain that I was experiencing in between the contractions, and it helped me to relax my entire body.

having a doula to talk me through each contraction and to tell Anthony what to do to help me with the pain was absolutely the best help I could have had at that point in time.

The whole atmosphere of the birth centre was so peaceful and relaxing and Jennie even let us facetime my family in Australia when I was in the tub, the cool part was, they were all together (except for my eldest sister, who lives in a different state) for a family dinner at mum and Dad's place, because mum was leaving to come see us for 5 weeks the very next morning.

facetime with my family

After what felt like hours, Jennie checked me and literally 2 seconds after she checked me, my waters broke! For a second, I thought that she hit me in the crotch, then I realised that the weird popping feeling was my waters breaking. She let me labour for a few minutes longer and checked me again because my body was taking over and trying to push. By this point, I was fully dilated with a slight lip on my cervix, so she suggested I get out of the water and walk around for a minute. As Ant and Stephanie were helping we out of the tub, I had another contraction, so Jennie asked me to lay on my side on the bed so she could check me again. By this point, He was on his way out, I couldn't stop my body from pushing, so she said to go for it, I pushed once and his head came out, then on the second push he was born! He came out so fast that we joked that I almost shot him across the room!

 after the birth, i asked Jennie what time he was born and she said it was 3:34am! I was in complete disbelief, it had felt like I was in that tub for hours, but in reality, we had only been at the birth centre for an hour and I had been in actual labour for just under four hours!

Just like Lachlan, I felt no pain during the actual birth, but this time, I got through it with absolutely no tearing whatsoever!

It was so amazing to be able to bring our son into the world in such a beautiful, peaceful atmosphere, and Lachlan was actually able to be in the room as well, so that was pretty special, even if he didn't take any notice of what was going on.

Literally the second they put our beautiful baby boy on my chest, I asked Ant to call my mum on facetime, we had wanted to facetime her during the actual birth, but it all happened so quickly that it just didnt happen, but my parents and siblings were able to meet our little boy at just a few seconds old, so that was super special!

kennen meeting his Aussie family on facetime

We chose to delay cord clamping, so he was put on my chest the moment he was born and was able to breastfeed and snuggle until after all the blood from the placenta had finished pumping through the unbilical cord and the colour difference in his skin was amazing, by the time Anthony cut the cord, he was glowing with this beautiful, healthy, bright pink colour.

Just like we did with Lachlan, we had decided to wait until we held him to choose his name, we had a list of a few names and two possible middle names, but the minute we held him, we knew his name was meant to be Kennen Gregory Mojica. Kennen after my dad and Gregory after Anthony's dad.

Kennen weighed 7lb 1oz and measured 19 inches long.

Within two hours of his birth, I had showered, eaten breakfast and was asking Jennie if I could go home. We had to fill out some papers, but as soon as that was done and Anthony had a little nap, we were out of there and were home by 8am. It was so nice to be able to recover in the comfort of my own home, rather than in a stark, cold hospital.

The boys napping - having a baby is exhausting!

The irony of the whole situation: Kennen was born just a half a day before my mum got on the plane from Australia to come be here with us, which is exactly what Lachlan did to us just two years earlier! 

Kennen on top and Lachlan on the bottom, both in the same outfit, same age, on the way to pick Nanna up from the airport!

Meeting Mum at the airport

Overall, I would have to say that a birth centre birth compared to a natural hospital birth is like night and day. It was such a warm, loving, peaceful environment and I will definitely be choosing to deliver at a birth centre, with a midwife and a doula for all of our future babies, and hopefully we will be able to have Jennie as our midwife again, because she is absolutely one in a million!

Jennie Joseph, our wonderful midwife!

Oliver Randal

Oliver is my youngest and he holds a special place in my heart. He is the biggest and hardest blessing in our lives and we continue to be grateful every day that he is with us.

 When we had decided to have little Oliver we waited for months for him to enter our lives. We were in the middle of a possible change in our lives by moving somewhere but we had no idea where. My oldest was in daycare and I was a full time working mom. I had always wanted to be a stay at home mom but we agreed that when number 2 came along I would stay home. I found out I was pregnant one day while at work and texted an image of the positive tests to my husband instead of calling or telling him in person because of his reaction to our first pregnancy. He was over the moon. Soon after that we found out we were moving to Florida.
I was sooooo sick the first trimester. We had our confirmation appointment with our OB and I kept telling him something must be wrong. I was tired and so nauseous but he said it was because I have a two year old and each pregnancy is different. I was a trooper. I couldn't keep a thing down but I managed to box up an entire house by myself while watching an energetic 2 year old.

Things slowly moved along and the sickness finally eased up but the exhaustion kept getting worse. I could sleep day and night and doing but the simplest thing wore me out. Pregnancy is no fun for me. Things were going well until we went in for our 20 week ultrasound.

 We were so excited to see what sex the baby would be. We could have sworn that he was a she because of how sick I was and we were ready for a girl. The ultrasound changed everything. The technician was trying every way possible to look at the baby and the longer she did it the more panicked she got. She started to make me nervous but I just chalked it up to her not having a lot of experience and the baby being uncooperative. She called in a second technician and after trying the ultrasound on the belly and vaginally we didn't get any answers about anything. She rushed us into the exam room to see the physician and I got more and more nervous and disappointed as we waited. When the OB came in he explained that the amniotic fluid was really low, his brain was underdeveloped, the placenta was really low and his heart was enlarged. He discussed the possibility or genetic disorders and referred us to a specialist. I was so confused because we have no history of genetic problems in our family but we did some blood work to see if that was the cause of all the problems.

When we saw the specialist nothing was much different except that he was way too small for his gestational age, and his bowels are blocked. The physician said that the blood work showed no Down Syndrome or other genetic disorders so he asked us to draw blood for a virus called Cytomegalovirus. That test came back positive.

Cytomegalovirus (CMV) is a virus that can be contracted at any point in our lives and each one of us could already have it without showing any signs or symptoms. It is most commonly contracted from children of a young age who are in school or daycare. It is harmless unless you contract it when you are pregnant and it is worse if you catch it early in your pregnancy. It can be fatal to any fetus and most mothers don't know their fetus's are infected until after birth. It is more common than Down's syndrome but the severity of the condition can range from hearing loss and blindness to seizure disorders and developmental delays. All the cases are different depending on the severity of the infection of the fetus.

We were told after we did and amniocentesis that the baby was most likely infected and that based on his signs during our ultrasounds he may not live to term. Our baby was so small, he had and enlarged heart, blocked bowels, cyst on his cerebellum and really low amniotic fluid but is in a pretty bad case. After a lot of research the doctor recommended a treatment called Cytogam. This treatment had showed some success in helping relieve some of the problems that CMV can cause and possible help us carry little Ollie to term without the need for Pre-term birth. We did two four hour treatments in the hospital at 24 and 28 weeks and he put me on Acyclovir for the remainder of my pregnancy to help keep the virus dormant. After our first treatment I went from looking 13 weeks pregnant to my actual gestation size. From one week to another people were shocked that I was pregnant and that I was so far along. We had such success with the first that we hoped the second would really help. Ollie went from occasional movements to ninja in a matter of days. Amazingly my energy improved and I didn't feel as sick. The second treatment was not as amazing and didn't make much of a difference but we were optimistic. Our physician was so tickled that he was excited to see every other week just out of curiosity (these treatments are not the norm and we were his first case of cCMV in his career of 20 years). He said that we would carry to term easily and that he could possibly  have little to no effect from the infection. He had set up a team to help us when we deliver Oliver so that he could get the best possible care for his needs and all we did was wait for him to come into this world.

I had discussed with my regular OB that I didn't want to carry past my due date. I was the one who gave Oliver this virus and part of me wanted him out of me when he made it to term because I felt that the sooner he was out the less damage the virus would do to him. The OB agreed and scheduled us for Induction on March 1st 2014. My body was not starting to show like I was going to give birth around that time and I was only 1 cm dilated after two membrane peels (ouch by the way). I was having small contractions on and off but they just wouldn't go anywhere and walking was not helping.

We were supposed to go in for our induction at 3pm but the hospital told us there was no room for us so we had to wait, and wait, and wait. Finally at 11pm they called and told us that there was a bed ready. I was having some very mild cramping in my lower back but didn't think it would go anywhere because it hadn't the other 100 times before.

We were set up in a room at the hospital and given a pill to start the process. The contractions came on hard and fast but after 6 hours I had only dilated 1 cm. The nurse gave me another pill and we had to wait 6 more hours. The contractions started to come on regularly and super strong and finally I was ready to be moved into labor and delivery. At this point we had been in the hospital for 12 hours and I was just a barely 4 cm. They hooked me up to pitocin and started the epidural (cause I'm a wuss) I was so tired and in so much pain that I balled like a baby. The midwife and the OB came in and talked to me about our baby and for the 100th time I had to explain everything in detail. The running joke with my OB and his office is that because my first was so big that Ollie would literally just slide out or take no more than three pushes so the on call OB was rather excited to be a part of our birth ( and because we were cCMV) I was on the pitocin for maybe 2 hours and with no progress. The physician said it could be 5-6 more hours easy and that he would check on me periodically BUT if I have any pressure that I need to let them know. 1 hour later I got really nauseous and told the nurse my blood sugar had dropped and needed juice or I would throw up. I later learned that I was transitioning. 1 hour after that while watching The Walking Dead (love that show) I felt a gush and a whole lot of pressure. I waited to see if it would happen again and boy did it! I called the nurse and she came in the room to check me and told me it was time to have the baby. My husband was asleep in the chair and jumped up wide eyed and terrified (just like the first time) and started to fuss. They keep telling me NOT to push and but they wanted me to move around on the table to give birth. That is an impossible task. My body was already pushing him out and all these people are telling me not to do anything but scoot my booty down the table. I yelled to "shut up!!!!" The midwife came running in the room to gown up and barely but her gloves on before I started to push. Three pushes later and Ollie was in the room. It took two minutes to deliver that little boy. The OB missed it because he was too slow.

Unlike with Gabe, I never got to hold Oliver right away. It took them an hour to do his vitals and check on him and then another hour to get approval from other physicians and specialists before he was able to have skin to skin contact. He had all fingers and toes and he was perfect!

Oliver was born on March 2, 2014 at 11:58pm. He weighed 6lb 11oz and he was 18.5 inches tall and he had a knot in his umbilical cord. He is our miracle baby. He has a seizure disorder because he was born with calcium deposits on his brain. He is very small for his age and has microcephaly. He is physically and mentally delayed. He is the happiest baby boy. He wakes up laughing everyday from his naps and smiles at anyone who makes eye contact with him. He loves to cuddle and has so much love to give! He isn't a normal typical baby boy and has little control over the left side of his body. He has given us many scares and is a big challenge but he is a blessing in our lives and we wouldn't want it any other way.

A Close Call

The boys and I had a bit of a close call a couple of weeks ago.

It started out like any other day, with me trying to keep the boys quiet while Anthony finished work and the boys making as much noise as they possibly could. I made breakfast for the boys and as I sat down and picked up a slice of toast, Lachlan stopped me and said "Mummy! A prayer! A prayer!" 

If you have ever talked to Lachlan, you know that his words often sound like other words, so I had to make sure he was saying what I thought he was saying. "Are you saying you want to pray?"

"Yes! A prayer! A prayer!"

This isn't THAT strange a request from him, I mean, we usually pray before meals anyway, but this was the first time he had ever actually asked to say the prayer, let alone reminded me to pray, so I was a little surprised. I helped him say a prayer, and as always we asked Heavenly Father to keep us safe as we went on our walk and throughout the day. Little did I know how significant this moment would be.

We finished our breakfast and got ready for the day. Anthony helped me get the kids and the stroller down the stairs and the boys and I went off to enjoy our walk, while Anthony ran some errands of his own.

Now you have to understand, our stroller is BIG. Not only that, its BRIGHT! I purposely chose a bright colored stroller so that it would be easy to spot.

These pictures weren't taken on the day, but seriously... you can't miss this stroller!

Anyway, so a few minutes into our walk, we were on the busy, main road that our apartment complex is on. We stopped before crossing over one of the side streets. I am a touch paranoid when it comes to my kid's safety, so I am overcautious when crossing roads. There was a car stopped, waiting to turn onto the main road, but being that it was 9am, the traffic was pretty heavy. He was stopped pretty far back from the road and the traffic wasn't letting up. Being that there was no break in the traffic for him to turn, I determined that it was safe and started to cross the road. When I got about a third of the way across the road, I saw out of the corner of my eye that he had accelerated! Without even a second to react, I started running backwards and pulling the stroller with me. The seconds that followed seemed to slow down and I watched as this guy accelerated at a dangerous speed and hit my stroller! Thankfully, because I moved so fast and because of the backwards motion, the car only clipped the front point of the stroller and the kids barely felt a jolt, but I literally saw my life flash before my eyes! I saw the exact moment that the driver realised that we were there, literally the second that his car impacted with the stroller. 

Realising that my kids could have just been killed, I freaked out. I checked that they were okay and then the crazy mama bear came out of me and I started screaming and waving an arm in the air at him. He sat there for about a minute and then finally got out of his car. 

I kid you not, he insisted that he didn't see me or my stroller! You know, that giant, bright teal stroller? Yeah, he totally missed it.

I asked how he could have possibly missed it and pointed out that it was not only a rather cumbersome stroller, but it was bright freaking teal! 

He went on to tell me that he didn't look. He said "I didn't see you because I didn't look. I forgot to look".

Forgot to look. He almost killed my kids because he FORGOT TO LOOK!

At this point, I was still yelling at him, I asked how if he even had a driver's license and if he did, how could he possibly forget to check if it was safe to turn onto a busy freaking road?

What he said next was the real kicker: "I forgot to look because i was watching that other boy..."

(The "other boy" was a grown man that was walking towards us from the other direction when this all happened). Yes, you read that right, this man almost took the lives of my two beautiful boys because he was too busy watching someone walk down the street!

I kept yelling, "how could you be so distracted... What the hell?... You could have killed my kids... What is wrong with you?..." It was like I wasn't in my own body, I could see myself yelling at him and was telling myself to stop. This poor man was so distressed by the situation and I was letting the crazy mama bear take over!

I took a breath and pointed out the fact that there was no break in the traffic and that it wouldn't have been safe for him to go, even if we weren't there.

This was the intersection. The car was stopped a couple feet back from the line on the left. I was at roughly about the third line on the crossing when I noticed him accelerating.

Now that I had stopped yelling, he asked if the boys were okay, I said that thankfully, they were and he turned to Lachlan and said "Are you hurt?"

Lachlan's face lit up at the fact that the man was talking to him and he excitedly said "YEAH!" and laughed. Of course the guy paled so I reassured him that they were perfectly fine. 

He started apologising and showed me a picture of his daughter on his phone and said that he would never mean to hurt my kids, he has a daughter of his own. 

We once again checked and double checked that the kids were okay and that the stroller wasn't damaged and he offered up his information in case I needed anything. I was still furious and totally shaken up, but felt horrible for yelling at him the way that I did. By now, all I could bring myself to say to him was "You know what you need to do, you need to go home, kiss your daughter and hold her tight, because if we hadn't been here to stop you from turning onto that road, you could have been killed". 

And with that, I walked off. I couldn't stand there a moment longer, I was holding back tears and just had to get out of there.

All day, all I could think about was how bad it could have gone. If I hadn't reacted as quickly as I had and pulled the stroller back, he would have t-boned the stroller on the side that Kennen was on. At the rate he was accelerating, he would have killed Ken and most likely, the impact would have thrown the stroller into the traffic. If we hadn't been there, he would have driven right into the traffic and caused a major accident, which could have killed himself and people in other cars too.

Then I realised, I shouldn't be dwelling on what could have happened, but be thankful that it went down the way it did.

I have no doubt that we were right where we were meant to be at that very moment and that our Heavenly Father was protecting us. I truly believe that Lachlan was prompted to remind me to pray that morning for a reason and that that little prayer made all the difference. 

I am so thankful that everything went down the way it did. I am thankful to my Heavenly Father for protecting me and my sweet boys that day and I am thankful for that little prayer that we said together that morning and for my testimony being strengthened by everything that happened that day.

This sweet lady was across the road at the bus stop and watched the whole thing happen. After I walked off, she shouted out to me to ask if I was okay and later that day, when the boys and I were walking to the store, we happened to walk past her again. She stopped us and asked how we were and said that she couldn't believe how fast he accelerated and that she didn't understand why he was driving so fast into traffic. She said that her heart stopped when it happened and she still didn't know how we got away!